The Road Trip
by Garnet Took
Summary: Our characters are known to talk to us in our heads but what if they traveled across the entire United States to visit us. This was a present for a fellow writer inspired by a live journal post several years ago. Her name is used in the story but it could just as easily been you or I they came to see. Total silliness now follows.


Disclaimer. I don't own any of the characters in this story. I wish I did. Please don't sue me; a turnip is worth more than I am. Author's Note: This piece of craziness was inspired by a discussion between Slightlytookish and I about one of the Tooksday posts she used to do. This is just total insanity. The Road Trip by Garnet Took "Well," said Frodo, putting his hands on his hips and surveying the contents of the car's trunk, "I think we're just about ready. Can anyone think of anything else we need?" Sam looked from the list he held to the car. "No, Sir," he said, shaking his head. "We've probably over-packed as it is." "Let's go! Let's go!" exclaimed Pippin. He was skipping around the car totally oblivious to what everyone else was doing. "Merry," called Frodo, "do you have the maps?" "Of course. I wouldn't be much of a navigator if I didn't have a complete atlas as well as well-written and comprehensive directions." "Fine," said Frodo. The last thing he needed was Merry waxing poetic about highways, exits and side-routes. "In that case, everyone into the car." "I call shotgun!" shouted Pippin. "Oh no you don't!" answered Merry and Sam together. "I get the front seat," said Sam. I need to be close to Mr. Frodo if he needs anything." "Hey, wait a minute. I'm the navigator. I should be in front to give directions." Frodo stepped between the two before their disagreement could devolve into worse. "Sam, I would really appreciate it if you'd take the back seat behind Merry. I could use an extra set of eyes while changing lanes and things. Also, I have some things stored back there that I may need for you to hand me." "Not a problem," answered Sam. No one failed to notice the evil look he cast in Merry's direction. "Why don't I ever get to ride shotgun?" sulked Pippin. "Because," said Merry in as snarky a voice as he could come up with, "you're too short. You still have to ride in a booster seat. We have a lot of states to cross to get to where Slightlytookish lives, and several of them require children your size to be properly restrained." "I'm not a child," said Pippin, sticking out his tongue. "Stop arguing and get in the car or we're never going to get out of town, let alone clear across the country. - They had not been on the road for more than fifteen minutes before Pippin started complaining. "I'm bored," he said. "And this booster seat is really uncomfortable. It's not fair that I'm the only one who has to ride in one. I mean, look at you, Frodo, you have to use those weird peddle extensions to drive. You're not that much taller than me." "It's not just your lack of height, my dear cousin," said Merry mockingly, "it's your scrawniness, too. If you weighed more, you wouldn't have to ride in one. You'd be all grown up, like the rest of us." Pippin blew him a raspberry. "Look at it this way, Mr. Pippin. At least this way you can see out the window. I'm having a dreadful time seeing out mine." After that, Pippin was content to look out the window at the passing scenery, for about ten minutes. "I'm hungry." "We're not stopping for a while," said Frodo. "If you're that hungry, there's some cheese crackers in the bag at Sam's feet. You can eat those. We'll get something to drink when we stop for gas." - "Stop kicking my seat!" snapped Frodo. "There's nothing else to do," complained Pippin. "Can you turn on the radio? It would be better than listening to you and Merry arguing over which is the shortest way to get through Kansas." "Fine, if it will keep you from continually kicking me in the back..." He reached over and flipped the radio switch. The car was filled with the sounds of the Cleveland Orchestra's rendition of a Bach concerto. "Aaach! Change it! Quick!" screeched Pippin. "You just have no taste in music," grumbled Sam under his breath. Before Frodo could react, Merry reached over and changed the station. Now they were subjected to the ranting of Rush Limbaugh. "change it right now, Meriadoc, unless you want to walk the rest of the way to New York. Merry just folded his arms and smirked. Frodo turned the dial to a top 40 station. "Leave it there! Leave it there!" called Pippin. Merry and Sam both sighed audibly. "Well, it's not my first choice either, but if it keeps him entertained, then it's worth it." - Within a couple of hours they were out of range of that station and Pippin was voicing his displeasure again. Suddenly, Merry had an inspiring thought. "Pippin, where's you mp3 player? You brought it with you, didn't you?" "It's in my pack, right here on the floor. But because of this stupid booster seat, I can't reach it." "Sam," asked Merry as sweetly as he could, "would you please hand Pippin his backpack?" Sam was quick to comply. Anything to keep Pippin quiet. - "Pippin! For the twentieth time, TURN THAT THING DOWN! I can't hear myself think. I'm tired and we need to find a motel. I can't concentrate on Merry's directions if I can't hear what he's saying." "Besides," added Merry, "if you keep listening to that noise at that volume, you're going to be deaf before you even come of age." He just couldn't resist getting in a dig where he could. "'scuse me, Sirs, but I think he's asleep," said Sam. "Then we're stuck with it," said Merry wearily. "If we turn it off, he'll wake right up." All three gave large sighs. - There was a knock on Slightlytookish's front door. When she opened it, she was confronted by quite a sight. There stood four hobbits. The dark-haired one had dark circles under his eyes and his hair looked like he'd nearly pulled it out by the roots. The hobbit to his right was clutching an atlas and glairing at all of them. "If you'd listened to me, we'd have been here three hours ago," he muttered. To the first hobbit's left was a decidedly harried individual. He looked like he'd been traveling with at least one small child who had smeared peanut butter and jelly all over him. To say the least, Slightlytookish was shocked. She glanced past the first three hobbits to see a forth standing there looking worse than the other three. "Forgive them," said this hobbit. "Traveling doesn't agree with them very well." "Peregrin Took" growled Frodo, turning around on the doorstep. "One more word and I'm getting the duct tape." The End. 


End file.
